Where Anything Goes twitter/trashbaggage

Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

Hitman sworn statment

Hello, I’m Waldo Plezeke. I was hired by a very high public figure/state official. It seems that this official as been laundering fund from the government. So I received an anonymous phone call, with a D.C. area code. I was sent instructions from a carrier, who I met at startbucks…and I received a payment of $250K. The remainder of the balance after the job was completed (another $250K).

I was also handed a photo of my target and was instructed where I was supposed to be in position. I thought it was a little unusual…but I figured since they’re paying so much, I’ll do it their way. I had no idea I was being set up. Then, I saw Sgt. Detective Bonk. I tried to abandon the mission and run, but two choppers were hovering around me and demanded I lay on the ground. When I was handcuffed, I was asked ” Why were you trying to kill the Burger King Owner?!” I just told them the truth. There was no way I’m getting out of this-” My instructions came from Godfather’s Pizza. BK is bad for the pizza business…so he needed to sleep with the Red Lobsters.”


for the KING b-day

Martin Luther King Jr. January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968

Was an american Clergyman, Activist, and prominent leader in the African-American Civil Rights Movement.

Now, you would think after all that he accomplished in this country, the fucking government would at least fix every street named after him! Why is it that every MLK Jr. St/BLVD, has potholes the length of the damn road. Whether it be 1 mile or 30 miles???! Not only that…they put every MLK street in the GHETTOEST neightborhood- crackhead, homeless people…negroes with honda accords with 34″ rims! Do you think this is what he invisioned?! Traffic lights are always out….lanes are about as wide as a lane on a field track. Tree limbs hanging over stop signs….SMH.

Come on AMERICA! Show some love. Fix all the roads named after the man!


I need patience!

I heard this many times, ” If patience was for sell, it wouldn’t NEVER be sold” I hate patience! That means I have to wait for shit. I need not to wait  on anything I can control…but I don’t control everything!…and i can’t figure out why…SHIT…i’m the got damn man… I think I just need the power to run this muthafucka!….u know…duhhh…the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA…Cause my patience is PARTICULARLY a thing with these muthafuckas in government,damn delinquent bills.
These muthafuckas was happy as a fat bitch at a buffet, when my money helped them bail out all these damn executives & bankers. You need to give me my muthafucking money back BASTARDS!… I wan’t my shit back A.S.A.P!…Don’t make me go back to my old neighborhood and get my RAGHEAD styling scarf wearing homeboys & WRECK some shit up…i’m tired of waiting on what the fuck i want…& PATIENCE can kiss my BORN in the USA ass!


whats that smell?

It’s funny how people smell something that stinks, Yet they can’t identify it until they actually see it (BUT…if it’s something that smells good, you can almost pinpoint exactly what it is.). As soon as you have a visual..you’re like ” OMG- who’s fucking stanking ass sock is this???!” Then you’ll have 10 dummies standing around and one of them has a sock missing, wiggling their stanking ass toes like it ain’t them. GUILTY AS CHARGED TO FUNK-FOOT ASS MUTHAFUCKA!  But you want to sit up and deny the fact that its your sock with the greenhouse gasses omitting from the toes. Somebody please round house kick this this fool for lying and polluting the damn house!


goodnite Irene

Question: Who the fuck is this heffa Irene? Everyone says this shit after a victory of some sort…and I don’t give a shit what language you speak…it’s always that muthafucka Irene!
Is Irene the ‘Fat Lady’ that sings? Why the hell they tell her ass goodnight? Is the bitch so afraid of the dark, everybody on the planet have to say goodnight to her ass? And speaking of the ‘Fat Lady’, Why does her fat ass have to sing, for somebody to do or stop doing some shit? Who made her the damn commander of the To-Do list? Why her fat ass gotta sing all the time? Can’t that hoe just sing to Irene’s ass and put her to sleep?
I’m still waiting to meet Irene….and hear that fat lady sing. I’ll probably hear a fat lady sing before I meet THE Irene.


new kid on the block

Were you the new kid on the block @ anytime growing up?…If you were, then woe to you!…I remember living in my neighborhood as a kid…& when a new kid…Girl or boy moved on the block…They were tortured and teased a lot… If you didn’t grow up with the rest of us, you weren’t part of the clique…You had to fight or be bullied before you could be with the clique…That’s just how it was…And everybody knew what happened if it’s a girl… Every boy on the block wanted to screw & claim her if she was pretty…But even if she was ugly…They wanted to sneak over and try to screw her…That was every boy’s hidden agenda…& if he sexed her… It was told to everybody…Then she was declared as the hood’s hoe…Cruel shit but true…Teens are a tough group growing up…Check on your kid @ school yourself…You might can save em!


A Political Post…

It’s been said that religion and politics should always be avoided when one wants to have a “drama-free” discussion. Well, I don’t care. I love expressing my opinion. I feel that people should be allowed to say whatever the hell is on their minds. Why not? Why shouldn’t we just spit out all of the crazy thoughts zinging through our brains? Like maybe…some of us Black folks need to start being more critical of President Obama. “Yes We Can” was cute in 2008 when we actually “believed” that an economic crisis might be avoided. Then the shit hit the fan and NOW people don’t have their homes, their pensions, their jobs, or even a possibility of getting some food stamps to have a “ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas” dinner today. Maybe we there needs to be a counter-campaign, huh? Something like “If ONLY ‘Yes We Can’ could help me… For example, “If ONLY ‘Yes We Can” could help me pay my damn light bill! Then again, I like this one too: “Top Ten Reasons WHY ‘Yes We Can’ pisses me off every time I hear it. For example, #1″Yes We Can” pisses me off when watch the news and hear that Obama is having a “secret meeting” with Republicans at the White House. What happened to the “transparency” that he promised on the campaign trail? I guess all of that went out of the window after he bailed out all of the rich 1% “Wall Street fats cats” (his words not mine…though it has a nice ring to it). Of course, he did get in their asses about their outrageous bonuses. But, but, but…apparently he’s one of those people that like to “talk a big game” but doesn’t “back it up”. Smh. That’s why I’m so glad that the Occupy Wall Street movement began. Finally, there are some people out there that feel the same damn way I do: “I’m tired of this bullshit! Why is that all of the rich people who are making lump-sum donations to the re-election campaigns of our politicians are getting what they want from Washington & my lil $50 donation can’t even get me a seat at a dinner? Let alone a bill that might benefit the people that are actually NEED help?!?! What they trying to say: my money ain’t good?”. Anyway…I’m finna go count my pennies so I can buy the materials to make some picket signs. I’m tired of this ish…

s/o… Special S…TB

my son robbed the tamale lady

..”low on funds this thanksgiving so I had my son rob the tamale lady yesterday morning. Fuck her..she be loud as fuck in the morning while I be tryna sleep anyway. I already had him rob the ice cream man and the corn man. They so broke..they keep coming back & I might rob em again. I don’t care. They better be glad they didn’t have to make a trip to the Emergency room. My son got hands. He can play football real good too but you know how shit go so fuck it. We just gone get it in the hood”

chapped lips

Chapped Lips Hey you…You know dam well you have crummy dry ASS chapped lips…Why won’t you grease them?… You know you need to take care of this…Break out the petroleum jelly tube…& Slap your lips with a big dipper spoon of vaseline (lol)…Smear it all over your peeling dry ass lips…Make sure you rub them until the jelly has dissolved… Nobody likes looking at ugly ass dry lips…If that doesn’t work…Then try burnt motor oil


Turkey week series pt.1of 5

going away for Thanksgiving with my family. Me (Sarah) ..my ghetto mom (Patricia).. my fake boujie sister (Iesha,but she’s made up some other name that suits her boujieness better)..my attention deficit brother (Larry jr); who’s a unpredictable pervert & my whore bag of a dad (big Larry). My dad is driving his low rider & my sister is driving her bug because she must do what she wants to do (of course) so I’m gonna ride with her..I’m sure it’s better than riding shocks and listening to ice cube & public enemy while Lil Larry randomly looks at naked girls on his phone ..while my mom drinks her golden champales ..smoke her Virginia slims….talk shit and clack her long ,curved nails & gold bangles all over the road trip.  .. so we shall see how this goes …(to be continued)

%d bloggers like this: